My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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