4 words: hood of his car
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
