It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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