mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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