Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
