That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
