OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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