Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
