I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
