I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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