I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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