My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
