well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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