My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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