Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
