Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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