the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
