Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
