i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
