I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
