wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
