Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize