Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
