I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
