i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize