The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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