you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
