I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
