i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
