Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
