My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
