In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Success! We fucked roommates!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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