lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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