i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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