its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
