So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
