My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
