oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
