How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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