My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
