An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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