3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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