he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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