11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
