I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
