Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
