when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
