Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
