so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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