I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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