I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
