Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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