Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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