neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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