Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
