dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
