He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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