Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
