can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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