No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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