i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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