At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
