sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize