I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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