mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
