when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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