Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
