Say something about gay babies.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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