i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
