billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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