I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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