I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
