I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize