how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
